Change Jokes / Recent Jokes

Little Timmy always sat in the front pew of the church and gave a hand full of change when the collection basket passed. One Sunday the pastor noticed that Timmy started to put his change in the collection basket but decided to put his money in his pocket instead.
After service, Little Timmy rushed up to the pastor and wanted to hand him the handful of change, but the pastor proceeds to tell Timmy that he did not need the money and that he should put it in the basket instead. Little Timmy replies, "Oh no, father, you need it more than anyone else does, because my daddy says that you're the poorest pastor we ever had."

Q: How many SAS programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One to analyze the historical failure rates of lightbulbs using PROC LIFEREG, so as to anticipate the failure of the lightbulb before the user actually has to report it, one to explain why SAS is better for changing lightbulbs than S-Plus, SPSS/X, BMDP, SYSTAT, MINITAB or a spreadsheet, one to write a custom interface in AF/SCL allowing the user to manually request the changing of the light bulb after its failure (prematurely) occurs, one to write a report with PROC SQL and PROC REPORT which will summarize the lightbulbs needing to be changed, sorted twelve different ways, cross-indexed (by wattage, type, and prematureness-of-failure) and totaled, one to actually spin the light bulb into the socket using SAS/Insight, one to call Cary to try to get them to explain when a new version of the lightbulb will ship, how much we'll pay to keep using lightbulbs for another year, and what we'll do if our site sends all its more...

1) Pretend to be one of the Bush family. Doesn't matter which.
2) Have an uncontrollable lusting for someone new every five minutes.
3) Pretend to be from different ethnic backgrounds every hour, and when people ask you about it, answer like a hillbilly would.
4) Act like a hillbilly. Period.
5) Improvise Italian operas.
6) Gossip about someone to their face.
7) Answer every question with a question.
8) Repeat yourself constantly.
9) Act like a member of the opposite sex.
10) Repeat yourself constantly.
11) Act like Mr. Flanders from The Simpsons.
12) Repeat yourself constantly.
13) Change what you repeat every now and then.
14) Use homonyms in your e-male that the spell cheque would knot sea as miss steaks.
15) Change what you repeat every now and then.
16) Talk to someone while looking at somebody else.
17) Employ in your casual banter extensive vocabulary that will befuddle thy contemporaries.
18) Change what you more...

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? Such number as may be deemed to perform the stated task in a timely and efficient manner within the strictures of the follow- ing agreement: Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "The Lawyer", and the party of the second part, also known as "The Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumina- tion of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entry way, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement be- tween the parties. The aforementioned removal transaction shall more...

Q: How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.

This man is at work one day when he notices that his male co- worker is wearing an earring.This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense.""Yo, Bob, I didn't know you were into earrings.""Oh, yeah, sure," says Bob sheepishly."Really? How long have you been wearing one?""Ever since my wife found it in our bed!"

Q: How many nihilists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: There is nothing to change.