Equipment Jokes / Recent Jokes

Santa and his wife, Jeeto, went on vacation to a resort. One morning, Santa came back from fishing after getting up really early that morning and took a nap. Jeeto decided to take the boat out. She was not familiar with the lake, so she rowed out a short distance from shore, anchored the boat and started reading a book she had brought with her.
Along comes a guard in his boat - pulls up alongside and asks, "What are you doing out here?"
Jeeto replies, "I'm just reading a book."
"Well, ma'am, this is a restricted area," he says.
Then, he sees all the fishing equipment in the boat and continues, "You can't fish here, ma'am."
To which she replies, "I'm not fishing. I'm merely sitting here reading my book."
"But you have all this equipment, I will have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that I will charge you with rape."
"Why...I didnt even touch you."
"No, more...

>> Freddie Bloor
>> --------------
>>
>> Now this is the tale of young Freddie Bloor,
>> whose sexual equipment got jammed in the door.
>> By the time they freed him he didn't feel well
>> for his private parts were mangled to hell.
>>
>> They rushed him to hospital, the ambulance flew
>> but when they arrived there was nowt they could do.
>> What a sad blow for Fred, condemned without choice,
>> to a life with no sex and a high squeaky voice.
>>
>> But lucky for Fred, so he wouldn't feel a fool
>> some bright spark suggested a bionic tool.
>> A bright new electric one made out of brass,
>> though the batteries would have to be kept up his arse.
>>
>> So newly equipped and after a rest,
>> Fred thought he would put his new tool to the test.
>> So finding a woman, the nearest one handy,
>> he piled her with drink and made her feel randy.
>>
>> The girl without waiting, put more...

A wildlife biologist is working in the woods, miles from the nearest town. He's camped alone with his dog and cat as his companions. Suddenly, an old gentleman carrying a small limp dog, franticly runs into his camp. "Please, please help me! I think something has happened to Willie. Our Winnebago is parked just around the bend and we've seen you camped here. We didn't know what to do. We thought of you because we had seen all this scientific equipment laying around here. Can you help him?" " Sir, I'm not a vet, I'm a wildlife biologist," the young biologist told the worried man. "Can you please just have a look at him, I'll pay you anything you need. I just need to know. If he's still alive, maybe I can rush him into town." "Ok, put him here on the table." The young biologist looks the limp dog over, but its plain that the dog is dead,, no pulse or signs of breathing. "I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid poor Willie is dead." "No, I more...

This guy's at work when he receives a call from the hospital informing him that his wife's been in an accident. He rushes to the emergency room where he's met by the doctor. They sit down in the waiting room and the doctor, with a very solemn look on his face starts to speak. But before he can, the guy interrupts.
Guy: "Doc, don't tell me my wife's dead. I just can't take it. Really, I can't take it. I love her."
Doctor: "Well, sir, I do have some bad news."
Again the guy interrupts.
Guy: "Doc, just tell me, did she make it?"
Doctor: "As I was saying, we did all we could. Right now she's in a vegetative state, which is likely where she'll remain for the rest of her life. She can stay here overnight, but after that, you'll have to take her home because your insurance doesn't cover this type of thing."
The guy slumps, just crushed.
Doctor: "With the right care, which will include you feeding her five times a day, more...

Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play -- normally one club and two balls.

Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole.

Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out of the hole.

For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft.

Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.

Course owners reserve the right to restrict the length of the club to avoid damage to the hole.

The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the course owner is satisfied that the play is complete.

Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play the course again.

It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival at the course.

The experienced player will normally take time to admire the entire course, with special attention to well formed more...

...and she aproaches a salesman and states "I would like to buy that fine TV right there." He looks at her and says" I'm sorry miss, but I don't sell my equipment to blondes." Offended, she leaves, purchases a red wig and returns. She appraoches him again and repeats her initial question. He repeats himself "I'm sorry miss, but I do not sell my equiment to blondes!" So she leaves all in a rut and completely confused. She concludes that he must have seen her blonde hair under her wig, so she dyes it brown. She goes back and says "Sir, I would like to purchase that TV over there", he replies "listen miss, I DONT sell my equipment to blondes!" totally pissed off she asks "how do you know im a blonde?" He replies, "Becasue that's a microwave!"

A couple went on vacation to a fishing resort up north. The husband liked to fish at the crack of dawn the wife preferred to read. One morning the husband returned after several hours of fishing and decided to take a short nap. The wife decided to take the boat out. She was not familiar with the lake so she rowed out, anchored the boat, and started reading her book.
Along comes the sheriff in his boat, pulls up alongside and says,
"Good morning Ma`am. What are you doing?"
" Reading my book," she replies as she thinks to herself, `Is this guy blind, or what?`
"You`re in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.
"But, Officer, I`m not fishing. Can`t you see that?"
"But you have all this equipment, Ma`am. I`ll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that I will charge you with rape," snaps the irate woman.
"I didn`t even touch you," grouses the more...