"Angus Broon of Glasgow" joke

Angus Broon of Glasgow comes to the little lady of the house exclaiming "Maggie, cud ya be sewin on a wee button that's come off of me fly I canny button me pants. "
"Oh Angus... I've got me hands in the dishpan, go up the stairs and see if Mrs. MacDonald could be helpin ya with it"
About 5 minutes later there's a terrible crash, a bang, a bit of yelling and the sound of a body falling doon the stairs.
Walking back in the door with a blackend eye and a bloody nose comes Angus.
The little lady looks at him and says "My god, what happened to ya? Did you ask her like I told you?"
"Aye" says Angus. "I asked her to sew on the wee button an she did, everything was goin fine but when she bent doon to bite off the wee thread... Mr. MacDonald walked in...

Your Mamma's so fat, when she went bungee jumping, she broke the bridge!

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there were three young poly boys on a road trip a samoan a tongan and a maori .. the tongan and maori wer in the back seet while the samoan was driving ..
the samoan lost controll and of the wheel and hit a tree ... all threee polly boys died .. they all got too the gate of more...

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If Ida Lupino married George Wendt, then divorced him to marry Ted Danson, divorced him to marry Alan Alda, then divorced him to marry Ted Knight, and divorced him to marry Shelly Long, she'd be Ida Wendt Danson Alda Knight Long.
If Whoopi Goldberg married Peter Cushing, more...

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your hairline so far back i thought u went bald in 3rd grade

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Boudreaux was feeling guilty, so he went to confession. "Father, I kinda took a leetle lumber from dat new construction site."

Priest: "What did you do with the lumber, my son"?

Boudreaux: "Well, Father, my porch, she's had a hole more...

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