"Handsome Tip" joke
A mystery-lover takes his place in the theater for opening night, but his seat is way back in the theater, far from the stage.
The man calls an usher over and whispers, "I just love a good mystery and I have been anxiously anticipating the opening of this play. However, in order to carefully follow the clues and fully enjoy the play, I have to watch a mystery close up. Look how far away I am! If you can get me a better seat, I'll give you a handsome tip."
The usher nods and says he will be back shortly. Looking forward to a large tip, the usher speaks with his co-workers in the box office, hoping to find some closer tickets. With just three minutes left until curtain, he finds an unused ticket of the second row.
Returning to the man in the back of the theater, he whispers, "Follow me."
The usher leads the man down to the second row and proudly points out the empty seat right in the middle.
"Thanks so much," says the theatergoer, "This seat is perfect." He then hands the usher a quarter.
The usher looks down at the quarter, leans over and whispers, "The butler did it in the parlor with the candlestick."
A cop pulled a guy over for speeding at which time the following conversation was exchanged:
Cop: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: Sorry, I don't have one. It was suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
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I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately
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After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee,
and more...
A girl goes into the doctor's office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red "H" on her chest.
"How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor.
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A very attractive lady goes up to a bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does, she begins to gently caress his full more...