"Sexual Quickes" joke
The three words most hated by men during sex:' 'Are you done?'' The three words women hate to hear when having sex...''Honey, I'm home!''
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Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 lbs.
Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes
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Q: What is it when a man talks nasty to a woman?
A: Sexual harassment
Q: What is it when a woman talks nasty to a man?
A: $3.99 a minute
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One sperm says to the other,' 'How far is it to the ovaries?'' The other one says,' 'Relax. We just passed the tonsils.''
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Did you hear about the new blonde paint? It's not real bright, but it's cheap, and spreads easy.
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Q: How can you tell if your wife is dead?
A: The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.
Q: How can you tell if your husband is dead?
A: The sex is the same, but you get the remote.
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Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
A: The swallow
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Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Humpme Dumpme
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Q: What do a clitoris, an anniversary and a toilet have in common?
A: Men usually miss them.
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Man:' 'I'd really like to get into your pants.''
Woman:' 'No thanks. There's already one asshole in there.''
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Q: What do men and tile floors have in common?
A: If you lay them well, you can walk on them for years.
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HIM:' 'Why can't I tell when you have an orgasm?''
HER:' 'Because you're never home when it happens.''
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A tour bus driver drives with a bus full of seniors down a highway, when a little old lady taps him on his shoulder. She offers him a handful of almonds, which he gratefully munches up.
After approx.15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another more...
A couple of days into his trial, George, the man accused of committing the crimes, stood up and asked for permission to approach the Judge.
"Your Honor," George said, "I would like to change my plea from innocent to guilty of the charges."
"If more...
Two rednecks, Bubba and Cooter, decided that they weren't going anywhere in life and thought they should go to college to get ahead.
Bubba goes in first, and the professor advises him to take math, history and logic.
"What's logic?" asked Bubba.
The more...
A teacher was doing a study testing the senses of first graders,
using a bowl of Lifesavers.
The children began to say:
"Red... cherry,"
"Yellow... lemon,"
"Green... lime,"
"Orange... orange,"
Finally the more...