"You know your from Manitoba" joke
You know your from Manitoba, Canada, when.... You only know three spices - salt, pepper and ketchup. You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit. The mosquitoes have landing lights. You have more miles on your snowblower than your car. You have 10 favourite recipes for moose meat. Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas. You live in a house that has no front step, yet the door is one meter above the ground. You've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow. You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car. The local paper covers national and international headlines on 1/4 page, but requires 6 pages for sports. At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant. The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun. Your snowblower gets stuck on the roof. You think the start of moose season is a national holiday. You head south to go to your cottage. You frequently clean grease off your barbeque so the bears won't prowl on your deck. You know which leaves make good toilet paper. The major parish fund-raiser isn't bingo - it's sausage making. You find -40C a little chilly. The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freezer. You attend a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewelry and your Sorels. You can play road hockey on skates. You know 4 seasons - Winter, Still Winter, almost Winter and Construction. The municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus. You actually get these jokes and forward them to all your Northern friends.
A tour bus driver drives with a bus full of seniors down a highway, when a little old lady taps him on his shoulder. She offers him a handful of almonds, which he gratefully munches up.
After approx.15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another more...
A couple of days into his trial, George, the man accused of committing the crimes, stood up and asked for permission to approach the Judge.
"Your Honor," George said, "I would like to change my plea from innocent to guilty of the charges."
"If more...
Two rednecks, Bubba and Cooter, decided that they weren't going anywhere in life and thought they should go to college to get ahead.
Bubba goes in first, and the professor advises him to take math, history and logic.
"What's logic?" asked Bubba.
The more...
A teacher was doing a study testing the senses of first graders,
using a bowl of Lifesavers.
The children began to say:
"Red... cherry,"
"Yellow... lemon,"
"Green... lime,"
"Orange... orange,"
Finally the more...
there were three young poly boys on a road trip a samoan a tongan and a maori .. the tongan and maori wer in the back seet while the samoan was driving ..
the samoan lost controll and of the wheel and hit a tree ... all threee polly boys died .. they all got too the gate of more...